The past few days have been all of the feelings and emotions, umbrella-ed by constant low-level stress and anxiety, and fed by dizzying quantities of hormones.
Thing One - FET scheduled for 3/1!!!
After months and months months of tests, diagnoses, more tests, waiting, surgery, moving, more tests, more waiting, new diagnoses, one silly, unnecessary IUI, more tests, more waiting, and three retrievals we are finally making what I consider to be our first true attempt at getting pregnant. The FET is scheduled for Wednesday, March 1st around noon. The good news? There are no food and water limitations at this clinic - no need for a full bladder like at many places. The bad news? They won't let S be in the room because it is a sterile environment. They don't seem to realize that she is way more sterile than I am on a daily basis - she practically bathes in antibacterial hand sanitizer (yes, I know it's ultimately bad for her...you're shouting at the wind with that one).
Thing Two - Adoption Home Study Begins!
We received our 92 page New Client Packet from the adoption agency and are getting started. First step is getting it printed - we don't have a printer - so nothing has been completed on it yet, but it is really exciting to have it in our hands. After we complete the first few portions of the packet and submit them, we will have four interviews - two together and two separately - with the last one at our home for an inspection. Here's hoping that these things take a little while to schedule because our home typically looks like a tornado blew through it ten minutes ago.
Things Three and Four and Five and...
Per usual, everything seems to happen at the same time. S has a job interview today for her absolute dream job in her absolute dream location - literally every single thing about this job is perfection, which is adding even more pressure than your average job interview already brings with it. On my end, we are two weeks away from one of my major work projects being implemented. It's something I did on my own last year, but this year I grew it and now three other people are taking the implementation phase on so I have to make sure the preparations are even stronger, that every detail is considered, and that these three people won't end up in a position to need to make changes or decisions without me.
And, finally, we found out this weekend that my brother and sister-in-law are pregnant with their second child. We love them so much, and we are so incredibly happy for them. And, it was really hard to hear. We had already been in our infertility process for three months before they got pregnant with their first (right away) and now, almost two years later, they are just as easily kicking off baby #2 and we are still not even pregnant. Logically, I know that this has no impact on me - there is not a limited number of babies in the world - and we've gotten a lot closer in the past few years so I really don't want our relationship to change because of this. But I'm having a hard time dealing with the emotional (and hormonal) side of my brain. I was heading into this transfer feeling really excited and not incredibly anxious because we have three more embryos and the adoption process is starting. But now it feels like make or break - I'll either be pregnant along with my sister-in-law, which would be so much fun, or I won't be and I'll be struggling with these mixed emotions for 9 months and beyond.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim.