The Two Week Wait came to a close this morning at 5:15 when I had to pee so bad I couldn't wait for my alarm to go off so S and I could wait down the three minutes together. Instead I took the pregnancy test by myself and sat quietly in the bathroom waiting for the second blue line to cross the first. It didn't. I spent the last two weeks - the last month, actually - 98% convinced that this wouldn't work, and fairly certain that I would get over it pretty quickly. But the day before I was worried that maybe I don't know my emotions well enough, and I would, in fact, collapse over the results. Turns out my first instinct was correct. The sadness passed over me in an instant as I looked at the stick, and then my brain completely refocused on what came next.
First priority - Caffeinated Pumpkin Spice Latte (first of the season) and Alcoholic Beer:
Second priority - Wrapping up the paperwork to transfer over to the new clinic in California. I sent lots of faxes (unexpected expenses!), emails, and texts. All kinds of weirdness are happening with the records transition from old clinic to new clinic, including new clinic stating they only received one record for S - results of a test she has literally never taken. *Shrug*
I'm truly excited to be moving on, and I have some trepidations about what comes next. Every time I think I understand the path that has been laid out for me, it zigs. It zags. It completely stops. It turns back on itself. Will I truly be flying into Cali for an egg retrieval in a few weeks like the new doc said I would? Or now that he has all my records will he come up with a new plan, or will my first ultrasound come back with frightening new information? I hate cliffhangers.