Switching Spell (or, a word about the adoption portion of our adventure)


Since I am squarely in the middle of my personal version of a two week wait (the kind where there was no insemination due to a cyst, so there is no BFP waiting on the other end), I thought I might switch things up a bit and write about the adoption side of this equation. But first, I wanted to thank The Maybe Gayby podcast for the shout-out on this week's episode - I am wishing you both all the best, and I recommend your podcast to everyone who will listen!

I haven't written much about our adoption process because nothing is happening. We are just sitting on a waiting list - which hasn't moved since we signed up - so there aren't exciting updates or frustrating setbacks to share. But it is still part of our plan, one day.

S was adopted from an orphanage in India as an infant. She isn't the one writing this post so I won't share much about her story, but I will say that she looks back on her childhood positively - which we know is not always the case, especially for transracial adoptees and adoptees who have no opportunity to learn about their birth parents. I'm not sure if she always figured she would adopt, or if she only started considering it once she realized she was gay and would have to use creative family-building methods. I'm feeling more and more like she should be writing this post...I'll move on to my side.

Growing up, adoption wouldn't necessarily have occurred to me. My closest associations to the concept were Annie, more Annie, and It Takes Two. When I came out to myself and started thinking about what my future family would look like, I felt equally open to adoption and fertility treatment. (Of course, I never anticipated that I would have medical infertility issues.) When Sarah and I got married the decision became obvious - one biological kid by way of my uterus and Indian donor sperm, and one adopted kid.

Domestic, private adoption is currently our plan. International adoption is difficult because many countries that have significant need of adoptive parents also prohibit LGBT people from adopting. Go figure. Adoption through foster care is a challenging process, and we admire people who pursue this path. As of this moment, it's not the path for us. Our hope is that we are chosen by a birth mother or birth parents who want an open adoption - who will, in one way or another, maintain some connection to our child. We believe this would be the best case scenario for our child. Of course, it's not our decision. Adoption is even further out of our control than fertility treatment. But for now, while all we do is sit patiently on a waiting list, I am enjoying the opportunity to dream about this fantastical, perfect process.

Befuddlement Draught (or, fun with Menopur!)

Shrinking Solution (or, roadblocks on the journey to motherhood)