Alohomora! (or, unlocking the door to adventures in infertility)


Well, there it is. After years of thinking about starting a family, over a year of testing and treatment, and that same amount of time considering the idea of documenting the journey, I am finally unlocking the door and taking the first step. This is an emotional process, and I can't promise each post will be entirely coherent, or that posts will come at a consistent pace. But I have dedicated an inordinate amount of time trying to find a website, a blog, a podcast for people like me. I have finally come to the point where I would prefer to dedicate that same amount of time to simply creating a blog myself.

A summary of what my wife and I have gone through over the past year is in the About Us section. Our path includes contributions from the hard sciences (fertility treatment), the social sciences (adoption), and, a healthy dose of magic sprinkled here and there. At least, that's how I like to think of it. So where are we today?

1) Hard Sciences: Exactly the same place we were last year - my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) has found an endometrioma covering my right ovary and a fibroid on my uterus and is recommending surgery to remove them before starting treatment. We have an appointment with the RE tomorrow to discuss our options, which at this point are laparoscopic surgery followed by IUI, or IVF phase one (egg retrieval) followed by laparoscopic surgery, followed by IVF phase two (embryo transfer). I'll learn more tomorrow, but even today with my rudimentary understanding of IVF, I do recognize that splitting it into just two phases is wildly under-selling the complexity of it all.

2) Social Sciences: We are #20 on the waiting list to become an active family with a local adoption agency. While on the waiting list, all we do is wait. This may be counterintuitive, but this path is currently the least stressful path. For now, this path is like a moving only moves forward.

3) Magic: The magic I feel today is the coincidence of finding a perfect adoption agency for us and our surprising place on the waiting list - the agency said their waiting list can be up to 75 people long, so we will take 20 for sure. We have always planned to adopt. We thought our second child would be adopted, but, given the circumstances, we decided not to wait. Our adoption agency was recommended by my former supervisor and when we met they dazzled us with talk of being LGBT-friendly, allowing prospective families to pursue adoption simultaneously with fertility treatment ("if you think you can handle two infants at once, who are we to tell you otherwise?"), their commitment to facilitating open adoptions, and the lifetime counseling they offer to birth parents and adopted children.

Petrificus Totalus (or, the stops and starts of infertility treatment)