The decision to skip a month before our next egg retrieval was necessary. It was hard, but it was smart and founded in our goal of prioritizing the long game over small, quick wins. Still, it hurts. Infertility takes up so much mental space all the time. During a cycle, my physical space, my body, and my time are all equally wrapped up in it along with my brain. It's stressful, but it feels productive, forward-moving, and, frankly, just congruent - all parts of me are focused on the same thing. But each time we have skipped a cycle, I feel displaced and out of sorts. My emotions and thoughts and plans and Google searches are still swirling in the infertility storm, but my body is just chilling. I'm going to work and leaving work on time every day. My car never heads west toward the clinic. I check my email constantly even though there would be nothing for the nurses or doctors to email me about. The Gonal-F in my fridge is buried under a precarious stack of yogurts.
In an effort to stay positive and find the joy and humor in this stage of the process (like the hilarious comedians featured on this week's Longest, Shortest Time podcast), I decided to make a list of all the reasons why I am PSYCHED about skipping this month. Here's what I've got:
1) I can actually work out to counter the effects of holiday-inspired treat consumption!
2) That winter cold that requires doses on doses of cough syrup and Nyquil? No problem. No drug interactions here!
3) Being Jewish at Christmastime has always made it an emotionally challenging time of year in some ways (even as a big Jewish Christmashead). But being infertile over the holidays is a whole new level of stress - this doesn't sound like a good thing, but here's what I'm getting at. During this most triggering time of the year my emotions will be mine. They will not be under the control of floods of hormones that could shove me into fights, temper tantrums, and sobbing sessions that don't quite fit the holiday spirit.
4) No meds over the holidays means sailing through TSA with no need to explain the bottles of liquid, the needles, or the ice.
5) No meds? No pregnancy? Great! Pass the beer, the wine, the spiked cider, and the holiday-themed coffees.
Anyone have ideas to add?