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I am B. The creator of this page and most-of-the-time author of blog posts. My wife, S, is my partner in family-building and a sometimes-contributor to the page. We are an interracial, interfaith, lesbian mash-up couple - my wife is an introverted extravert, a creative, compassionate partner, and a transnational/transracial adoptee (adopted from India by white parents). I am an extraverted introvert, a Type-A Jewish nerd who tends towards the overly analytical and organized, the logistics manager of our partnership. Below is a quick summary of everything that had happened up to the start of the blog.
You can also read about the pre-blog phase of our journey in posts titled "Time Turner #X". I'll post these sporadically when there are long waiting periods when nothing exciting is happening. The first posts are here and here.
Thank you for joining us on this journey, we hope you find comfort, enjoyment, and community on this site.
Science + Magic = Family: Pre-Website (June 2016-July 2017)
Our journey officially began in June, 2016. We lived on the east coast and for the previous few years had been job-searching with the intention of moving closer to our families before creating our own. Heading into yet another year of job-searching we decided to go ahead and have the initial appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), just to see what it would really take to get started.
At this appointment, the RE found an endometrioma covering my right ovary and fibroids on my uterus. He put me on birth control 24/7 - no periods! - recommended surgery to remove both, and referred me to a different doctor for the procedure. It took three months of new (and repeated) tests before I had surgery in September. The surgery went well. They removed the endometrioma, a septum they discovered, and endometriosis from all over, and chose to leave the fibroid because it was outside of the uterus and not causing trouble. But at my post-op appointment the doctor said, and I quote (directly) "it was really bad in there - you are going to need to do IVF and you are doing to need to do it in the next six months." Or. Else.
In the meantime, I had gotten the best professional lead yet - a job opportunity in the state where my parents live and thousands of miles closer to my wife's family. I took the job and ended up driving across the country a week after my post-op appointment. Isn't timing swell? Of course, moving delays things - it took four months to get insurance, establish primary care, get a referral to a fertility specialist, and have initial appointments with two - just to get two opinions. The good news was that both doctors thought it was silly to skip right to IVF without even trying IUI first. I picked one doctor and in March of 2017 I was given the go-ahead to stop birth control and schedule a day 3 ultrasound, the first step in an IUI cycle. Yay! We were moving forward.
Psych! At the ultrasound they saw a suspicious...something. It could have been nothing, could have been a cyst, could have been an endometrioma. We'd have to wait another month to do another ultrasound, to see if it stuck around. It was the endometrioma, back again. And the fibroid had grown to the point where this RE felt it would interfere with a healthy pregnancy. So in June of 2017 we found ourselves in the exact same place as we had been in June 2016. A recommendation for surgery, with yet another doctor, to remove an endometrioma and a fibroid. We were so frustrated and confused. The endometrioma grew back in less than seven months? What dark magic was this? Was there any point in doing the surgery again? Of course we wouldn't be moving across the country this time, but three months of recovery plus three rounds of IUI (the most they said they would do before recommending a move to IVF), would bring us to almost the same amount of time as we had just waited after the previous surgery.
This was the point at which we decided to begin pursuing adoption at the same time as fertility treatments. Our plan had always been for me to carry our first child and then to adopt our second - but who says that has to be the order? We were fortunate to find an adoption agency that allows prospective adoptive parents to pursue fertility treatments simultaneously with the adoption process. This was also the point at which we decided to start this site. The rest of our story can be followed in the blog. Buckle up!